somanythingsleftunsaid


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Oh Captain! My Captain!

LOS ANGELES - JUL 29:  Robin Williams arrives at the 2013 CBS TCToday the world is mourning the loss of an artistic legend. The breadth of Robin Williams’ talent spanned the same distance that his career breaking character Mork travelled way back in 1978 when it first aired. Throughout the years he’s made us laugh and cry while fighting a courageous and difficult battle of his own unbeknownst to all those who watched. His mental illness was left “unsaid,” as it does with many, many people. Myself, I hadn’t heard he was battling depression but deep down, I wasn’t surprised. So often, those who shine so bright are hiding a dark shadow within. I can’t say that I don’t understand what he was going through. Those dark times sometimes threaten to completely consume you. Sometimes, there’s an external flicker of light that eases the pain and loneliness for a while and can offer hope that things will get better, but it’s not something that you can just get over. It takes time, support, patience, love….

 

“The loneliest people are the kindest.
The saddest people smile the brightest.
All because they do not wish to see
anyone suffer the way they do.”

Unknown


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Bad Karma

Poutine makes everything better.I should have stayed in bed. I, literally should have never left it. Those days when bad mojo hovers thick like air in Hamilton on a hot, humid summer day, should automatically, be considered sick days. There’s been nothing big, (well, fixing the hot water heater might be financially big, who knows) just a series of little crappy things…little losses. It makes my little brain and little heart hurt.

Maybe you’ve seen it too….but I was tagged in a challenge on Facebook to come up with 3 positive things every day for 5 days. Today’s happy thoughts were simple though…poutine topped the list as well as not being maimed or killed whilst drowning in this vat of bad karma. The benefit of this challenge has been how it can change how I look at things, at least for a while.

Ok, it’s not so bad really, just frustrating. My woes are minuscule compared to what others are dealing with today…one friend just lost their mother and another is dealing with a broken tibia that may need surgery. Now a broken water heater, smacking my head on a cupboard door and taking a baseball to the shoulder and a glove to the face is nothing! Still doesn’t mean I don’t want to kick Karma’s a$$!


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So that’s it then…

I throw in the towel…wave the white flag.

I. Just. Give. Up.

Since my mom passed away last May, I have attempted to honour her memory by finding small gestures that life a little nicer. From random acts of kindness to deliberately finding even the smallest things to be thankful for and telling the world, I’ve hoped it would make me and those around me feel a little bit better, maybe breed some good Karma.

It didn’t work.

Last night my father was taken to the hospital by ambulance. We don’t really know what’s wrong other than his legs gave out last week and he fell. Since that fall, his ability to walk has dramatically decreased and his level of pain and weakness has substantially increased.

Until you’ve watched, helpless, as your parents writhe and moan in pain, their eyes pleading with you to help them, no one can understand how much your heart can ache. How plainly you see their mortality (and your own) and how alone you really are. Where many turn to faith to keep them going in uncertain times, I find myself having less and less. While I wanted to inspire people, I find that I just can’t. In the end, it doesn’t really seem to matter. People are still mistreated, the environment is still dying, illness still happens and we all still end up the same way.


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Seconds, Minutes, Hours

The Passage of Time

The Passage of Time (Photo credit: ToniVC)

Listening to the rain fall on the window while the wind blows through the trees, my mind is whirring with thoughts as I try to will myself to sleep. It’s not working. On my way home tonight, as I was slowing to turn down my road, a large deer stepped out in front of me. The large majestic animal surveyed my approach he decided he should continue on his way and loped into the darkness. As quickly as he appeared, he was gone. A fleeting moment in time.

It’s all so fleeting really. Life, that is. We’ve divided up our lives into units of time.  Seconds, minutes, hours, days, years…..all to categorize and organize our existence. Yet it still passes all the same. Every unique experience gone in a single breath never to return. In a sense – dead, living on only in our memories.  Just like those we’ve loved and lost. As is, I learned today, the father of a family of good friends. His passing reminds me my losses as well and my heart goes out to them. Having just heard stories of this man’s life and now in his passing, I find myself thinking that he would have been an interesting man to have known better.

We never have enough time.


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Play a Little Tune

Musica comprimida  -  Compressed Music

Musica comprimida – Compressed Music (Photo credit: Ferrari + caballos + fuerza = cerebro Humano )

The power of music is amazing. It has the ability to lift your spirits when you’re blue, to make you feel energized when you’re tired, relax you when you’re anxious and much, much more. I wake each morning with a song in my head. Sometimes, the same song plays for days, other times, it’s a new song each day. It often reflects what’s going on in my life, or my mood. I’ve had this morning melody in my mind for as long as I can remember. Earworm of a different sort I guess….speaking of which, “I’m a little teapot, short and stout…….” now let’s see you get THAT out of you’re head for a few days!

After mom passed away, I had a few songs – anthems if you will – that I would listen to (or more accurately, cry to) that seemed to offer some solace. I have a couple of good girlfriends going through some really tough times right now. Knowing music can encourage and inspire, I sent a video to each of these ladies of a song that I thought was inspiring for their situations. Maybe they’ll need a custom inspirational play list….hmmm, iTunes, here I come!


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Each Small Light….

Candlelight Vigil

Candlelight Vigil (Photo credit: KOMUnews)

It’s a mystery to me how someone could think to hurt those most innocent among us, our children. After the news of the tragic shooting in a Connecticut school, I found it difficult to think of any kindness I could offer anyone that wouldn’t seem moot. All those poor souls have been ripped away before they had a chance to shine.

I am at a loss. I have no act of kindness to share. It would seem callous to report such a menial thing when so many are mourning. It does strike me however, that acts of kindness are exactly what we all need more of. We need more connection to each other. Is this sort of news horrifying? Yes. Absolutely, but surprising? Not really. It seems our news is filled with far too many instances of death and destruction. When these things fill our minds it’s difficult for kindness to fill our hearts. Instead we are, understandably, filled with pain and mistrust. It’s my belief that what we need most now, is more kindness. We need to say those things to each other, the kind and loving things that often go unsaid. We need to do those kind things for each other that bring us together as people. Acts of kindness shouldn’t be so surprising, but they are while violent acts like the ones we’ve all heard of today are not. Instead of letting this monster drive us all further apart, let’s make a vow against him and others like him to draw closer and kinder to each other. To stand together to create a kinder, safer world.

Hug your children tonight and tell those you love, that you do.


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Words….

It’s Murphy’s Law that whenever you’re in a hurry, people in front of you tend to move slower –  so do drive through lines. However, it gave me time to decide that I’d pay for the order behind me…if someone showed up. They did, but at first it didn’t look promising. I asked the lady at the drive through window to just wish the lady behind me (who looked a little grumpy too) a Merry Christmas. I couldn’t see her when she learned of my gesture, but I had hoped it put a smile on her face.

This week, I learned that someone I went to high school with committed suicide. I know that people who do this feel there is no hope or end to whatever pain they’re in. It’s so sad to consider how that must feel. I find myself wondering what people are thinking when I see them, much like the lady behind me in the drive through today. Her facial expression wasn’t a happy one. Was she simply deciding on what she’s ordering? Is she having a bad day? Even those you do meet who are smiling and happy, may only be so outwardly, concealing whatever pain they may be feeling. It’s hard to know what affect your actions or words will have on someone. A seemingly harmless comment may seem harsh or hurtful to the ears of someone who is in the midst of a personal struggle. Conversely, something as simple as a “thank you” can make someone’s day.