somanythingsleftunsaid


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Anybody have a wrench?

pierfixI’m so broken. Like really broken. Worse yet, I don’t know how to fix it!
I want to, desperately. I look in the mirror and think “WHO are YOU!” with disdain. This insecure, unhappy, negative person looking back at me is making me and everyone else around me miserable. Last week, I ran away. Well, not really, but I was away at an art seminar. I was surrounded by some amazing people, my artistic mentor and nature. I never wanted to leave. For the first time in months, I was free of everything hurting me. I just am at such a loss. I can’t seem to shake it either. I’m just so lost.

I should be careful. I will end up sending even the strangers here that read this fleeing into the digital oblivion. Maybe that’s where the real me went. If you see her, can you send her home?


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Oh Captain! My Captain!

LOS ANGELES - JUL 29:  Robin Williams arrives at the 2013 CBS TCToday the world is mourning the loss of an artistic legend. The breadth of Robin Williams’ talent spanned the same distance that his career breaking character Mork travelled way back in 1978 when it first aired. Throughout the years he’s made us laugh and cry while fighting a courageous and difficult battle of his own unbeknownst to all those who watched. His mental illness was left “unsaid,” as it does with many, many people. Myself, I hadn’t heard he was battling depression but deep down, I wasn’t surprised. So often, those who shine so bright are hiding a dark shadow within. I can’t say that I don’t understand what he was going through. Those dark times sometimes threaten to completely consume you. Sometimes, there’s an external flicker of light that eases the pain and loneliness for a while and can offer hope that things will get better, but it’s not something that you can just get over. It takes time, support, patience, love….

 

“The loneliest people are the kindest.
The saddest people smile the brightest.
All because they do not wish to see
anyone suffer the way they do.”

Unknown


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Bad Karma

Poutine makes everything better.I should have stayed in bed. I, literally should have never left it. Those days when bad mojo hovers thick like air in Hamilton on a hot, humid summer day, should automatically, be considered sick days. There’s been nothing big, (well, fixing the hot water heater might be financially big, who knows) just a series of little crappy things…little losses. It makes my little brain and little heart hurt.

Maybe you’ve seen it too….but I was tagged in a challenge on Facebook to come up with 3 positive things every day for 5 days. Today’s happy thoughts were simple though…poutine topped the list as well as not being maimed or killed whilst drowning in this vat of bad karma. The benefit of this challenge has been how it can change how I look at things, at least for a while.

Ok, it’s not so bad really, just frustrating. My woes are minuscule compared to what others are dealing with today…one friend just lost their mother and another is dealing with a broken tibia that may need surgery. Now a broken water heater, smacking my head on a cupboard door and taking a baseball to the shoulder and a glove to the face is nothing! Still doesn’t mean I don’t want to kick Karma’s a$$!


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But I like monkeys….

From Morguefile.com By iLocalised Image URI: http://mrg.bz/gVnRSS

From Morguefile.com
By iLocalised
Image URI: http://mrg.bz/gVnRSS

I keep seeing this quote popping up on the net, “Every time you feel yourself being pulled into other people’s drama, repeat these words…..NOT MY CIRCUS, NOT MY MONKEYS.”  Not so much keen on the drama, but yes, monkeys are quite cool. My volleyball team is even made of monkeys…

Wait!

Does that mean I have monkeys? 

Anyway, I am still feeling a little lost, which is why this site has fallen silent. Life has been full of stories of illness, murder, robbery, identity theft, abduction, animal cruelty…just so many reasons why a moat filled with hungry crocks would be a fantastic gardening option for my home. It’s just hard to think that my buying a stranger a cuppa joe can make a difference.

But maybe it’s not about changing the world.

Maybe it’s about changing yourself. It’s been so easy to withdraw into the safety of eremitism. After all, it’s much easier to handle loss (of any kind) when you have no one to lose right? It’s also made me lose my sense of fun.

So enough of that! I’m not letting the “bastards get me down,” as a former coworker used to say all the time. Starting yesterday, I RAK’d the lady behind me in the Tim Horton’s drive through. It’s a start right?


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Timeout

Well, that was quite the tantrum and for that, I needed a timeout. Sometimes, it’s good to spend some alone time just to sort out your thoughts, and maybe to stop yourself from saying absolutely everything that comes to mind.

While everything I said in the last post is true, it’s not really the point. Life is about the journey. If you’re lucky, you find some seriously awesome people to come along for the ride. Fortunately, I’ve found some. If you can leave a positive imprint on the lives and hearts of others before your time is up, realize and achieve your dreams and hopes and love with all your heart, that is a life well spent.


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Is that a Moose on your head?

English: Moose, Superior National Forest, Minn...

English: Moose, Superior National Forest, Minnesota, USA (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Yes. A moose. Don’t be fooled the next time you decide to arrange a birthday surprise for your bestest and the waitress says they’ll just sing their birthday song. No, no. There is more! I think I was more surprised when the moose helmet came out with the singing staff and ice cream. Fortunately, the birthday girl was a good sport and donned the giant rack, risking her pride and a mutiny by whatever critters that resided in that hat. This woman is one of the kindest and strongest women I know. I think it’s also part of the reason we’ve been friends for well over half our lives. Despite everything going on in her life, she hasn’t let it change her fun and loving spirit. Spending time with her for her birthday was a definite highlight.


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You are beautiful……still

Acrylic

Beauty © 2013

In December I performed an act of kindness (see “Hey you! Yeah, You! You’re Beautiful!”) that consisted of leaving notes reminding women just how beautiful they really are. This act actually inspired me artistically as well! As I mentioned in my blog a friend of mine has a painting on her wall that said, simply “You’re beautiful!” This combined with my act of kindness stirred my creativity and I created a painting of my own with that sentiment. It’s a part of a larger series, actually on display, locally, right now. So I thought I’d share that painting here…I can see it possibly becoming part of that act of kindness again one day!!!! Keep an eye out!