somanythingsleftunsaid

Monuments and Memories

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bead

Today is a bit of a monumental day – for me at least. It is a day that many people regard with dread and while I have too in the past, it seems that this year, my birthday isn’t causing me strife. In fact, isn’t the alternative rather bleak? It’s monumental in that it’s a milestone birthday. I’ll let you speculate as to which one, just in the spirit of fun. Yet, as content as I am with my age, I can’t help but to be sad today as well. It’s my first birthday without one of mom’s tasty, home-made cakes, her meticulously wrapped packages and the trill of her singing the age-old birthday song. In fact, I was very blue this morning when I got up.

As the morning progressed and I tried to work with absolutely, zero success.  I decided, instead, that I would find a bead for my charm bracelet that would represent my mom. I’ve wanted to since I was gifted it. This wasn’t easy, after all, there were several parameters that this charm would need to fill. After 9 stores, silently asking mom for help and finally returning to the very first one that fit the bill, the perfect bead was found. I can’t even take credit for finding it! So why was it so hard to find? Firstly, it’s purple. Purple was mom’s favorite colour. She loved it in all it’s variations. It is also the colour that represents women’s cancers, a cause I am taking up to raise more awareness. Secondly, it contains flowers. Mom was an avid gardener. When she was well, she could boast some of the most beautiful gardens in the neighborhood. The flowers are delicate, but the bead is substantial and “strong” looking, something that is true of her character. It suited her.

So on this day that’s supposed to be monumental in my life, I spent my time remembering the things she loved most in the efforts to find a way to carry her memory with me. A birthday gift to myself and maybe from mom too.

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